These Are The Most Luxurious Cheap Cars You Can Buy Today

These Are The Most Luxurious Cheap Cars You Can Buy Today

A white Lexus ES sedan parked on a road.

Photo: Lexus

“I’m going to set my mark for ‘cheap’ here at $25,000. (Let us assume you put down $3,000, and you finance $22,000. With decent credit, that means your car payment comes in just under $400 per month at 60 months.)

“With that qualified, the most luxurious cheap car is the Lexus ES350. What? You haven’t considered a gussied up Camry lately? Imagine for a moment that all the passion was gone from your life. You’re at a point where even having missionary sex once a month counts as fireworks. A date night involves looking on Groupon for a $30 for two, surf-and-turf special, and you’re headed back home to mindlessly consume CNBC late night market-watch.

“What I’m saying is it’s cheap in the sense that you’re a cheap bastard, not that you’re broke. You want something nice, but you’re not paying more for luxury. This fuzzy backup camera does the job, right? Luxury should be leather, and reliable for 250,000 miles. Luxury is not talking to a service advisor at the Mercedes counter, because your sunroof motor burned out and made the whole car smell funny.

“Here it is: Marietta, Georgia camouflage. You tuck this ride into the side of your two story grove-style red Georgia clay brick garage in Dogwood Acres, and fire up that laptop you can never seem to figure out. Call your son and complain about your printer, you cheap bastard. While you’re at it, tell him he overspent on his BMW. ‘You know, I have all the luxury you have, and I paid one third of the price. All that extra money could have gone into an annuities account.’

“Real luxury, the clinking sound your glass makes when the spoon is stirring in the Metamucil. That feeling of knowing satisfaction is just hours away.”

I, I don’t know what to say.

Suggested by: shanemorris